"Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answers?" ~Magneto

I have a theory. It is untested, but sound. I believe that women never want to know a man's answer to any question the women ask. Okay, "never" sounds a bit harsh -- let's stick with "hardly ever." Which is a scientific term, yes.

So, everybody already knows some examples proving my theory. Every man worth his salt should know about fat questions and beauty questions. If a woman says to you "Does this bracelet make me look fat?" or "Do you think Kathy Griffin is prettier than I am?" you immediately respond with a resounding and emphatic "NO." This is pretty much old hat; I would venture to guess that any man that is still having sex on any kind of a regular basis already has this part figured out.

But my theory extends much further than what you might learn in Answers to Women's Questions 101. For example, let's say a man and a woman are both innocently getting dressed in the morning (and by "getting dressed" I mean that she is getting dressed and he is sitting on the bed watching for whatever gratuitous glimpses he might be awarded). The woman turns to the man and says "Do you think I should wear the peach shirt or the lavendar shirt?" This is a classic example of a question that might sometimes take the man off-guard and lead him to believe that she really wants his opinion. She doesn't, and that's okay -- but it's a cruel trick to his already-waivering ego. Note that this example is not limited to clothes; it can be used when asking for opinions on any number of topics -- from attending baby showers, to re-gifting, to restaurant options.

But my favorite example of tricksy womanses asking questions simply to make us men believe we have a choice is the ever-dangerous "Do-It-Or-Else Question." This is a tactic that a woman uses (it is NEVER, EVER used by a man) which sneakily gives us the impression that we have a choice. Examples of this kind of question are: "Would you like to take out the garbage?" "Do you think it would be a good idea to turn here?" "Do you want to dust the living room before our friends get here?" "Do you think maybe you've eaten too many Swedish Fish today?" "Will you help me during the commercial break?" These questions are very misleading because, on the surface, they are asking for your opinion. Men, do not be fooled! You have no choice in the matter; you will do it, or else. The question mark so offhandedly attached to the end of the sentence means nothing.

The interesting part of my theory is that most women don't even recognize their unnatural non-need for a man's feedback. I wonder why...